A WORD FROM OUR PASTOR

When same-sex marriage became legal in Massachusetts, our Board of Deacons decided to address the question of whether or not wedding ceremonies for same-sex couples would be permitted in our sanctuary. As they considered this, the deacons asked me, as pastor, how I decide whom to marry here. I explained that the process always begins with an initial conversation in which I ask the simple but difficult questions, and that I do not agree to perform any wedding ceremonies before I gain an understanding of who the couple are, what they  seek, where they are coming from, what they hope for and expect, etc. The simple but difficult questions basically consist of: 1) Why do you want to get married? 2) Why do you want to have a religious ceremony? 3) Why here in this church? 4) What about the family you come from and the one you want to marry into? 5) What do you envision when you think of your future together? Usually, the answers to these questions and the associated follow-up questions bring out the important issues. Then, if everything makes sense to everyone involved, we proceed to talk about planning a ceremony. However, not every initial conversation leads to a wedding ceremony here in this church.

When the Deacons heard this, they came to the conclusion that this process would make sense for same-sex couples as well as for heterosexual couples and voted to have the pastor continue to make decisions about whom to marry on a case by case basis, but without regard to the gender or sexual orientation of those seeking to marry.

Some members of our congregation, upon hearing that this was to be our policy and practice, asked that the

Deacons explain the theological  perspective and assumptions that led to this conclusion.  In response,

this Statement on the Theology of Marriage was adopted at the May meeting of our Board of Deacons:

A Theology of Marriage

It is our policy, as a congregation, to instruct and empower our pastor to respond to requests to solemnize marriages without regard to the gender or sexual orientation of those seeking to marry.

This policy arises from a theology that focuses on the Biblical imperative for justice, especially for those who struggle to find justice in society. We feel called to care for, and to reach out to, those who have been outcasts in society, to those who are the most vulnerable, to those to whom justice has been denied.

We hear the prophets calling for justice for the stranger, the foreigner, and the outsider.

We see Jesus reaching out to those who were socially stigmatized because they were considered unworthy (tax collectors and sinners), unclean (lepers), impure (women), or powerless (children). We hear an emphasis in Jesus’ teaching on caring for the “least of these.”

And we see Jesus’ disciples coming to the realization that God’s love embraces a far more diverse world than that which they had as yet experienced. (see Peter’s revelation in Acts 9 and 10: “I now understand, that God has no favorites!”)

Furthermore, we strive to understand and to live out the depth of Jesus’ teachings that we are to love one another as God has loved us; that we are called to love not just those whom we find it easy to love, but also those whom we find it difficult to love; and that we must take care that our judgments of others do not exceed the standards by which we ourselves could stand to be judged. 

In the Bible, as well is in cultural history, there is more than one model of marriage. And while it is true that same-sex marriages are not recorded in the Bible, it is also true that polygamy and the forced marriages of slaves to their masters were considered perfectly normal. In addition, non-arranged marriages were not common in ancient cultures. But in all cases, marriage is a symbol of, and an avenue toward, full participation in the larger society. And in the Spirit of Jesus’ teachings on judgment and grace, we intend not to judge, but to welcome and to celebrate - without regard to gender or sexual orientation- all couples who wish to commit to one another for life, to celebrate the spiritual dimension of their relationship, to possibly raise children together, to marry.

Reverend Steven W. Bridges